The Death of the Crocodile Hunter

September 4, 2006 - Labor Day. I was at home preparing some of my famous "Ralph's All-American Twice Deep-fried Bacon-Blueberry Labor Day Pie" for guests that I was going to have over later that evening. I like to have the Fox News Channel on for inspiration whenever I make deep-fried dishes, and as this was the case on that very day, I heard a news anchor announce that Steve Irwin, the infamous Crocodile Hunter, had been killed by a sting-ray while filming an underwater special. At this very moment, I was carefully lowering the pie into the deep-fryer when the news started to sink in. A bit in shock and a bit auspicious, I inadvertently plopped the pie into the deep-fryer, which resulted in me being splashed in the face with hot oil. As I was rolling on the kitchen floor in agony, the auspiciousness started to overcome the shock - it suddenly occurred to me that since Irwin's death occurred while he was being filmed, there must be a video of the sting-ray doing him in; the actual act of of the sting-ray piercing his chest with its barb was recorded on camera! As soon as I cleaned myself off, I immediately ran to the computer and looked all up and down the web for this footage, but to no avail. Shortly thereafter, it was reported on Fox News that the very footage that I spent hours looking for was destroyed out of 'sensitivity' for his family. At this point, I was extremely upset. Not only will I now never get to see Steve Irwin torn to shreds by one of the crocodiles that he kept provoking, but I was now robbed of any opportunity to see a member of the animal kingdom achieve victory over the infamous Crocodile Hunter. Being a caring person, I decided that I could do something to rectify the situation. I began planning on how to raise funds so that I could send a 'Steve Irwin Chewy-Toy' to every crocodile in Australia that he ever bothered. I have still not accomplished this goal and I am still accepting donations.

To more specifically answer the questions of the assignment, the lack of footage absolutely ruined my experience of the event, not to mention that I almost burned the entire building down, as I totally forgot about the pie in the deep-fryer while I was so busy looking for the footage. Now that I look back in retrospect, it actually ruined my entire day! I only make this kind of pie once a year, so all of my guests would have to wait another whole year to try it! Thankfully, later that evening, some of my guests brought over some store-bought cheesecake and they didn't seem too upset that they didn't get to eat my signature dessert. I guess if my guests were happy, then the evening probably didn't go as bad as I keep convincing myself that it did.

I used to think that had Steve Irwin not stupidly provoked that sting-ray, I might have had a much better day on September 4, 2006. I blamed that entire day and its misfortunes on Steve Irwin for almost two years after it happened. After undergoing extensive therapy, I came to terms with the events of that day being merely coincidental and not Steve Irwin's fault. I even decided to send a letter of my condolences to the Irwin family. I am still, however, interested in helping the Australian crocodiles cope with the death of an oppressor who was supposed to be their lunch on more than one occasion. In my eyes, they are the true forgotten victims of this tragedy.