A Conversation of Record

New York Times: I’ve alighted upon a story that is “fit to print.”

BBC: Ah, yes. Quite an ado. Kidney trafficking, money laundering, religious leaders and political leaders all involved.

USA Today: Oh, yeah sure. I got it, too. I got the AP story.

The Jewish Week: [shaking head woefully] My outrage knows no bounds.

NYT: Indeed. You’ll be pleased to know I have all the details covered: extensive quotations abound – grotesque anecdotes, too. Did you know, for example, that money once changed hands in a box of Apple Jacks cereal?

USA: Delicious!

BBC: It’s a microcosm of U.S. culture at large, if you ask me. It’s international; it’s local. It’s a prime example of those who should be leading instead preying on the vulnerable.

USA: [nodding knowingly] Now, you all out in the U.S. of A may have heard of New Jersey. Very well known for its corruption. For example, it’s where the hit HBO series “The Sopranos” takes place. Also the American classic, “On the Waterfront.”

BBC: It’s curious. My readership doesn’t even live within the States and nevertheless I don’t feel compelled to couch this story in pop culture context.

TJW: It is clear that we’ve reached a crisis of Jewish morality.

NYT: Well, Jewish Times, that’s an interesting perspective. Acting U.S. Attorney Ralph Marra has some valuable thoughts on the matter. He calls politics in New Jersey an “ethics-free zone.” And it's true. The seediness is everything you’d imagine – paranoia of informants, meetings in diners, meetings in boiler rooms, of all places.

BBC: Quite. But it's all rather sensational, isn't it. I seem able to convey the story and include the pertinent facts without all the moral outrage and quirky detail. Maybe it's just that I'm "across the pond," so to speak.

NYT: I interviewed a New Jersey street sweeper for his opinion, as well.

USA: Peter Cammarano, the new mayor of Hoboken was arrested. Did I mention that Hoboken is Frank Sinatra’s hometown?

TJW: Forget Sinatra! Apparently, our orthodox leaders believe that the laws of man do not apply to them. They think they can be good Jews while at once being bad people.

USA: Eli Manning lives there, too!

BBC: Is he what you call a footballer? Will you just quiet down, USA Today?

TJW: While I was at Yeshiva University, I witnessed this type of behavior firsthand. The orthodox community is too concerned with keeping pork out of people’s mouths and not concerned enough with basic human decency. There is a special place in Hell for these individuals.

NYT: And the kidneys. Nobody can help being fascinated by the kidneys. Now, how much would it cost in pounds sterling to actually purchase a kidney?

BBC: Oh! I have the conversion here. Let me see: 6,000 pounds to buy from a vulnerable and not-quite-willing donor, and they’ve been turning them around for 97,000 pounds. Quite a markup, I dare say!

NYT: Hmph! Note my split infinitive above - more evidence of our alarming cutbacks in the copyediting department.

BBC: Tut, tut!

New York Times
BBC
USA Today
The Jewish Times